1/10 Language & Words

Words swim inside me like koi in a pond in unchoreographed synchronicity
the tip of my tongue
the back of my throat
the pit of my stomach

Words swim in my eyes.
Spill out of my eyelids into the mirror into my lipstick in the back of this didi.

Inhale and exhale words.

Words hide as they escape. Silent ones seeping out of my soul’s skin for passage. Fire ant words huddled in my throat.

Words in Spanish, English, Chinese.

When I was a little girl I talked a lot and had questions. I caught on to things early on. ¿Will my soul also grow if I eat these vegetables, Titi? ¿What happens if I don’t feed my soul, do you know Mami?

Moving to the US my 6 year old mind knew there were more words to collect like marbles. I learned more language as quickly. Pretending I understood the teachers and always positioning myself one step (or two) behind everyone else so that I could mimic. English has always felt like someone else’s language that I mimic to perfection.

I am always at the effects of the language + words that speak class, name race, remind culture, list gender, describe sex & my classify body. More than words too.
You are the effects too. We are all at the effect.

So much happens in English. English is my dubbed language of trauma but also the subtitles of healing. Why not Spanish?

Language & words. Unchoreographed, yet somehow each word cued into place. Knowing just where to go.